Humor
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' GO SEAHAWKS! '
And they say blondes are dumb....???
Someone gave a blonde a magic mirror and told her that if anyone walked up to it and told a lie it would suck them in.
So one day the blonde was telling her co-workers about the mirror.
A brunette co-worker walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead heard about the mirror, so she walked up to it and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The blonde stood wondering about all of this...then she walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament trip.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top-level.
The Brunette team down below is really whooping it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn’t heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, “What's going on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!”
One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and whispers…
“YEAH, BUT YOU’VE GOT THE DRIVER!”
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' GO SEAHAWKS! '
And they say blondes are dumb....???
Someone gave a blonde a magic mirror and told her that if anyone walked up to it and told a lie it would suck them in.
So one day the blonde was telling her co-workers about the mirror.
A brunette co-worker walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead heard about the mirror, so she walked up to it and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The blonde stood wondering about all of this...then she walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
- MONDAY:
- It's fun to cook for Tom.
Today I made angel food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.
The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. - TUESDAY:
- Tom wanted a fruit salad for supper.
The recipe said serve without dressing.
That seemed strange to me but I figured I should follow the directions.
What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper and I was still in my robe and nightgown. - WEDNESDAY:
- A good day for rice.
The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.
It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway.
I can't say it improved the rice any though. - THURSDAY:
- Today Tom asked for salad again.
I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients, and lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.
When Tom came home he asked me why there was lettace all over our bed. - FRIDAY:
- I found an easy recipe for cookies.
It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.
There must have been something wrong with this recipe because when I got back, everything was the same as when I left. - SATURDAY:
- Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.
He asked me to dress it for Sunday. Gee, I sure had a hard time finding any clothes to fit it.
For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten. - SUNDAY:
- Tom's folks came to dinner.
I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of genius.!
I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.
But, it still came out as hamburger much to my disappointment. - GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
- This has been a very exciting week.
I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom.
That is, if I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven because I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
- January- Took scarf back to store because it was too tight!!
- February- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.. "duh" bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!!
- March- Got excited....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said 2-4 years.
- April- Trapped on escalator for hours.... power went out!!!!
- May- Tried to make Kool- Aid.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.....
- June- Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope!!!!
- July- Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!!!
- August- Got locked out of car in rainstorm, car got swamped, because the top was down!!!!
- September- The capital of California is "C"-- isn't it?????
- October- Hate M&Ms ... they are too hard to peel!!!!
- November- Baked turkey for 4-1/2 days... instructions said 1 pound per hour, and I weigh 108!!!
- December- Couldn't call 911..."duh" there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
- WHAT A YEAR!!!!!!!!
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament trip.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top-level.
The Brunette team down below is really whooping it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn’t heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, “What's going on up here? We’re having a great time downstairs!”
One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and whispers…
“YEAH, BUT YOU’VE GOT THE DRIVER!”
